As of this moment I'm working hard to become self-sufficient in the future. Yes, I say in the future rather than NOW because my job is starting at the *end* of July rather than NOW. I really want/need to pick up a bs job for some moolah, but I'm also in between residencies. NOW I'm trying to find myself an apt. in the Cleveland/Lakewood area. I'm yet again in limbo. Here's some random notes about random stuff I've just randomly decided to post. Now ain't that totally random?
(440) Ashtabula' n all that.
This county is depressing. If I were to stay here I would quickly become addicted to things that I shouldn't name. Actually there are quite a few things I'd be addicted to. I could see myself turning into one if those crazy girls who plan their day around how they're gonna mess themselves up. "What am I gonna do today? Well what's around?" Maybe if there was more to do, there would be somewhat less of a meth problem. Actually, if people were able to find meaningful things to do (+ actual *gasp* employment opportunities), there would be less of a general drug problem overall.
(216) Cleveland starts at w. 112th.
So I've been looking at apartments on the westside. Personally, I like the area in between Edgewater and Cudell--like W. 112, W. 110, and all those other roads stretching between Madison and Clifton in that area. It can be a little rough around the edges, but hey, I find it charming. Call me crazy. At least it ain't the 'burbs. I looked at a place on W. 112 that I kinda liked but the others with me didn't find the street at all appealing. So then I looked at W. 110 and they liked that better. Makes me wonder- what makes a street nice? The landloards on W. 110 were commenting how their street used to be like W. 112 until they "cleaned it up." What constitutes a clean street? How do you differentiate between people hanging around as a good thing (instilling a community feeling) with something to be avoided +/ broken up (as in "they're all crackheads!"). I dunno... I find it interesting.
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11 comments:
You're such a Gemini sometimes!
I read your comments about Ashtabula, and you seem so cynical. I want to get out of here, too, but mostly because there's no job I can do here. There's a lot of "meaningful things to do" in Ashtabula, if people bothered to do anything but hate the place. You're like one of those native Clevelanders, the people who always bemoan the city and who let outsiders appreciate it more.
Then I read your comments about W. 112, and I think you are something like naive or idealistic about the world, if you found that street appealing and can't see why others wouldn't. Just people "hanging around" isn't what instills "a community feeling." If you can't feel the vibe of a street...well.
I like W. 110 anyways. Not saying that I really was impressed with W. 112... it is what it is, I guess. Same with Ashtabula. I have trouble not being cynical with the county b/c I don't really see many good things happening. Maybe I'm hanging out in the wrong areas. I dunno. At least in Cleveland things are mixed. You don't have to go far to see something new.
A neighborhood being "bad" or "good" doesn't have to do with people being "black" or "white," (not prob. with a lot of people, but in regards to how we felt about W. 116 on Sunday), because I'm sure "non-whites" live on W. 110. I just think that if these same streets were in Ashtabula, Conneaut, etc., the word you would be using to describe them wouldn't be "charming."
I don't think it's stereotyping to not want to live near people who are going to "drop out of their drugged haze." It's simple statistics to know that being near them isn't the safest place to be. But anyone can be one of them, not just people in "urban" areas. People can hide their drug use and not look like they're on drugs, but if someone does look like a drug user, then they prob. are a drug user, and I think people should be smart and not willfully surround themselves with that kind of people.
And if a cop commented on your area, don't you think he prob. would know the crime rate, etc. of the area? He was prob. talking about W 116. ; )
No, I wasn't talking about your street, Nick, as I frankly have no idea where you live, although I think we did drive by it, and no one thought your street was a bad area! When I said that the cop meant W. 116, I meant the street we were at the other day, and it was a joke, hence the "; )."
I didn't assume other people weren't racists. I said in my comment inside () that while *other* people might be referring to the fact that the street had "black" people, that wasn't what we meant when we thought the street was less than desirable. It was more, don't project racism on us.
And the stats comment, again, was not referring to your street, or even thinking about your street, or even any place in Cleveland, and it was meant in general, as in, it's common sense not to want to live on a street that probably has drug users on it, as, I'm sorry, it is a "common stat," and this isn't a comment on the how or why or whose fault or etc., because while that may be important, it's irrelevant to what I mean now, just a simple statement that if you need "proof," you can simply look at basically any study, such as this one, although there must be better ones, but it isn't that important to me to look, that "drug-using lifestyles are major contributors to the U.S. crime problem."
Maybe the W. 116 (the one we looked at, I think there is two sides, and one looked all right) is a perfectly fine street, but it looked and felt *bad*, and why would you put yourself at risk just to, what, make a point, when you could live somwhere better?
And I did say that "white-collars," too, are drug users.
And no one thinks your street is bad!
I don't know a person who isn't racisits if they claim they aren't then they are probably the biggest bigot. At least that is my opinion.
There is actually an interesting online "quiz" type thing that helps determine if you have a "bias" or "prejudice" against groups of people, like different non-Caucasian groups, elderly, overweight people (there are obviously multiple quizzes). It doesn't ask questions--because people can lie or not even know themselves with those--but instead uses flashing pictures and words. I read about it in the book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking last summer, which is v. interesting and is about your thoughts in the first 2 seconds of first seeing something and intuition. It's an interesting quiz because people's bias can be unconscious--and unwanted--and so they can be surprised by the results. Because I agree that most people *do* have some racism in them, even if they don't want to, because it's a product of society's views, and some of it seeps through no matter what you did. That's why it's up to parents to raise their children differently, so they won't be exposed to racism, sexism, etc. /Weird Rambling
I found the link for the test, if you're interested.
http://www.implicit.harvard.edu/
I made a blog entry about it, too, back in January.
I almost feel like rereading both of those books!
I wasn't talking about your street, honest. : ) I just realized I had typed "116" (in my second comment) when I meant "112." I guess that explains why you were defensive and why I had no idea what you were talking about!
But what I said was look *and* feel. Of the two, I think the way something feels is more important, and that's not something that can be explained, such as that house looks run down. It's a vibe, and doesn't just have to do with appearance. I mean, geez! Our house was falling apart when we first bought it, and my mom cried when she saw it! I don't know, I think it comes down to instinct.
Who says it would be a lie! :)
hehehehe. i'm loving this!
Anyways, I think why I find Ashtabula so depressing compared to Cleveland is this: Both places share the same story of the dramas of drug-use. I know that. But to me, I don't know anyone personally in Cleveland who is caught in that trap. So to me, Cleveland is about the people I know, the ones who work hard + party on the side, but generally have other things to focus their life on. If bad things happen in Cleveland, the days go by + there's other things to do. Cleveland was always such a positive distraction for me- it would make me forget about anything else that I might find depressing b/c I'd always find something else to focus on. It's like I can plug in to a variety of outlets.
It's different in Ashtabula for me. There are too many people there I know and love who are caught in that trap. And frankly, it's too easy to do. I get seriously depressed spending a lot of time there- all the drugs, the traps, and nothing else to focus on. I lose all my ambition b/c I have nothing to remind me why I should even have it in the first place. And to escape that, all I can do is go to Cleveland (hence why I make the drive at least 3 times a week). When I come back, I feel relieved.
True, W. 112 may look better just b/c it's in Cleveland. And yes, I would probably hate it in Conneaut as it would remind me of this person and that person caught in that rut. At least in the 216 you don't have to go far for a change of scenery.
Know what I mean?
Because the lower-class folk are the ones pinned with drug-usage. Poverty>depression>drugs>temporary escape. Or they turn to drugs to make money. Simple economics.
See the rich do drugs too. But b/c they have power they don't get themselves in trouble. Hello? Resident Bush? Drugs are another great tool to keep people under. Once you get into drugs all you think about is, well, drugs. Then yr life becomes defined around this substance + you begin to make every decision with it in mind (+/or in body).
Have you heard about the rich introducing crack into the ghettos? Look at crack and coke. Same substance basically but crack touches more on racism + classism. Fines for crack are way worse than for coke. Why is that?
I guess I see your reasoning, then. Cleveland is like a start-over place.
Was "Resident Bush" deliberate? Hahaha. I love it.
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